dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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