I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
