She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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