your thong is hanging out like whoa
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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