i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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