hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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