If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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