70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
