I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
