dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
