How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
