I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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