No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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