dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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