After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
