My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
