I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
