Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
