in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
