Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
