I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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