Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
