I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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