To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My balls are so social today.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
