you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
