how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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