I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
