I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
