You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
