So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
