a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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