College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
