I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
