what day is it and did you see me today?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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