You're a womanizer and a bitch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
