You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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