OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
