Yo dont text me then not text me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
