And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
smell my finger.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
