why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
