We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
