i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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