dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
