let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
