Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
