Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
