Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
