Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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