i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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