There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
