Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
