The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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